Hello (:
So i hate how a guy can make me feel this way.. when i have no idea if he wants anything or if he's just messing me about. I've had that messing with your head/heart/feelings happen before & it sucked. I don't want that to happen again either haha.

Anyways.. how are you all?
I don't know what to say right now.. i feel like ranting but then i don't want to. So i guess i'll just do a post for you guys (:

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She kept herself away because
she couldn't stand the thought of
another heart breaking good bye.

I myself am made entirely of flaws,
stitched together with good intentions.

I hope you choke on every word you spoke when you were screaming at me and realize how many times I've tried,
but that's wishful thinking.
all I want is an apology for what you did and how you treated me.

Get me far away from here,
or at least as far as this car will take me.

Is it in you now, to barely hear the truth that you have spoken?
Twisted up by knaves, to make a trap for fools.
It is in you now, to watch the things you gave your life to broken?
And stoop and build them up with worn out tools.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
AIDS is contagious,
So watch who you screw.

Dear Mr. and/or Mrs. Sender,
We are pleased to inform you that your application has been accepted.
Starting from the time you get this letter,
your life will be one never ending '' hope you're feeling better. '' 

All Your Dreams Have Gone To Hell.

Happiness is just outside my window.
Will it crash, blowing at 80-miles an hour?
Or is happiness a little more like knocking on your door, and you just let
it in?
Happiness feels a lot like sorrow.
Let it be, you can't make it come or go.
But it's gone- not for good but for now.
Happiness is a firecracker sitting on my headboard.
Happiness was never mine to hold.

And I've become just like a terrible mess
searching the lines in my face for
something more beautiful than is there.

he told me,
"if i had a nickle for everytime i saw
a girl like you, i'd have five cents." 

stop talking about love.
every asshole in the world says he loves somebody.
it means nothing, it still doesn't mean anything.
what you feel only matters to you.
its what you do to the people you say you love,
that's what matters.
its the only thing that counts.

if i'm not what you want,
don't act like it.

I regret every word that i said
to ever make him feel like he
was something special to me. 

and for a second there, i thought you
maybe actually liked me.

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems? 

everyone spends a day thinking of
someone who's thinking of someone else.

Yeahhh so thats about it or now i guess.
I'll try to update more often.
Its just hard with work & everything else.
So enjoy <3.

;           kayLaaaaa x3.

Oh my goddd.. its been a longg time ahah i've been soo busyy its nuts.
Work is a mess & i hate it, my manage is the biggest bitch ever & i so hope she leaves cause since se took over everything has gone down hilll. It just sucks so baddd.

Umm my dad is home & doing much better [he was in the hospital for almost a month], & i'm happy he is almost back to normal (:

I'm curious actually, i have a question to ask you all.. does age really matter? do you think of it as just a number OR does it realy matter?
I'm just curious.
What's the oldest you would date? Or even youngest for that matter.

Anyways i guess i'll just do my update now so here it is.. long over due ahaha.

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Nobody said this would be easy
They just said that it would be worth it.

I'm at the point in my life when everything is falling apart and coming together at the same time.
I think he gave me something to live for
I guess I helped  him pass the time.
The sooner you realise things will never be the same
THe sooner you can finally move on.

I felt comfortable around you.
When i was with you, I didn't have to be perfect.
I didn't even HAVE to be perfect.
You already knew my secrets, and things i kept hidden from everyone else.
So i was able to finally just be myself.
Which probably shouldn't have been such a big deal;
But it was.

Being with all the girls in the world doesn't make you a man;
But making one of the girls feel like she is the world.
...well, that does.

I keep thinking of how much I love talking to you..
How good you look when you smile.
How much I love you laugh.
I day-dream about you off and on, replaying pieces of our conversation;
Laughing at funny things that you said or did.
I've memorized your face && the way you look at me..
I catch myself smiling again at what I imagine..
I wonder what will happen the next time we are together
&& even though neither of us know what the future holds..
I know one thing for sure;
You're the best thing that ever happened to me.

Because it's so much easier to say i'm okay
than to explain why i'm hurt.

&& I know it was a mistake to let you in
I foolishly gave you everything.
You made me realise no one is as they seem
That not every word said is what they mean.
The time has come to accept the truth
I will never be on a level as low as you.

I live in notes and photographs
and everything I'm holding back
but you're the words that weren't enough
you remind me of a song I used to love.

I've looked straight into your eyes.
And turned my head for the last time.
Because I was scared to leave these walls in ruin.
Like the fate of those who trust in themselves.
We are alone and afraid.

im not shooting for a "successful" relationship at this point,
i'm just looking for something that will prevent me from
throwing myself in front of a bus.
i'm keeping my expectations very very low.

All the books you started reading,
all the boys you started seeing,
every half completed sentiment that you always meant to say,
gets stuck inside a memory like a miracle unfinished
and you only feel like going back to where there's no place to stay.

Don't leave when I push you away, that's when I need you the most
The worst thing you can do is show him that your miserable
I'm going to spend my nights either sleepless or dreaming of you...

I've stopped putting words on paper.
It doesnt do much
I'd feel much more alive
screaming them from the sixteenth story.

Welllll.. thats about it for nowww..
Enjoyy <3333.
;                                 kayLaaaaaaaaaaaa;

Hello thereee :)
I know its been awhile yet again hahaha.. but like always i've been busy, more then normally really.
My dads still in the hospital, he's been in there for almost three weeks now :\ He should be coming home soon though so thats a good thingg :)
Me & my younger brother decided to help him out some & did some reovatinggg haha it wasn't hard & i like painting & stuff so it wass funn :)
Plus i'm working too sooo.. yeah i've been hella busyy !
Anyways how are you people doing?
Here's the update thats long overdueee hahha.

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I don't want him to be perfect.
I want him to laugh at me, trip me,
then help me back up, pick me up
& throw me into the pook, make me
laugh for hours, and take me out.
But most of all,
I just want him to love me. 

You make me nervous.
That's never happened to me before.
I keep second-guessing myself and overanalyzing your every move.

He was different.
He never said '' I want to be friends'' after he said goodbye.
It was like he knew he had broken her heart bad enough when he saw her tears fall.
He knew her well enough that he knew what to say.
And when he spoke,
He looked at her and said '' I hope you talk to me again someday''.

I think it's time I let you go and that's so hard to do.
Because part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life.
But daydreaming, the running in plpace, it's not healthy.
So this is me cutting the cord.
This is me doing what i should have done eight years ago;
Saying goodbye.

Dear girl, I think it is time for you to let go of him
He has hurt you and me too much.
Just let the memories fade.
It's time to leave him behind
I know it'll be hard, but it's for the best
Trust me.
Remember, follow me and everything will be fine
Love always, your heart. 

And if tomorrow you're just a friend
I'll stay up till 11:11 again.

Tired of trying
Sick of crying
Yeah i'm smiling
But inside i'm dying.

Nobody understands how much i miss you
I miss how much we used to talk and all the things we used to do.
I try not to admit it to myself that i still feel this way
Nobody knows that i still wake up everyday thinking of you.
I still think of you and really do miss you
I would give up everything I have to everything we're not.

She finally gave up
She dropped the fake smile as tears ran down her cheek
She whispered to herself ''I can't do this anymore''.

You were the best thing summer gave me
Better tan silence and no school
No curfew and no rules
I was the last thing you expected to become part of your life.

There comes a point in your life
When you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix things
It's not giving up, it's realising you don't need certain people. 

Hmmm yeppp :) So thats about itttt ~
Enjoyyy !

;                                             kaylaaaaaaaa <3

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I feel like everythings falling apart :(
My dads sick & is in the hospitall.. i'm scared out of my mind i'm gonna lose him like i lost my mom.
We may argue alot but i do still love the old guyy.. come on he's my dad ~
I dunno what to doo..
ARGHHH..
Update time i guess..

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you're the brightest star in a pocketful of skies.
my colored picture in a world of black and white.
as you walked into the room,
I kissed my heart goodbye.

They say misery loves company and I'm here alone
A bottle of whiskey, my friend and a broken telephone
We're scared of the unknown
My suspicions have grown
And all I hear is a broken dial tone.

Now that it's over,
I don't even know what I liked about you
I brought you around,
and you just brought me down
Hate is a strong word
but I really, really, really don't like you.

Don't wonder why people go crazy.
Wonder why they don't.
In face of what we can lose in a day, in an instant,
wonder what the hell it is that make us hold it together.

I liked the days when boys were written down on paper listed on your top 5,
instead of you carrying them in your heart.
When you would brag about how cool your parents were,
instead of talking about how they now ruin your lives.
When the only reason you didn’t want to get out of bed for school was because you were sleepy,
+ now it’s because each day is a struggle.
While hide & seek was the coolest game,
instead of guys seeing how many girls they can go out with at one time.
When you wished upon birthday candles,
+ now you wish on a boy who is holding your heart.
The days when you were just a kid who still had their innocence,
+ now you’re a teenager who knows everything has changed.

I see the moon
and the moon sees me.
the moon sees somebody I want to see.
god bless the moon and god bless me.
And god bless the somebody
I want to see. 

Bring me back to where I started
Tell me how I got so lost
Bring me back to days uncharted
Oh won't you tell me how I got so lost?

And she is the 'L' and he is the 'O',
for us liars out there.
And she is the 'V' and he is the 'E',
for the violence in everyone.
And we might spell you..
We're nothing like you.
And she is the 'H' and he is the 'O',
for us humble orphans.
And she is the 'P' and he is the 'E',
for potential in everyone.
Abd we might spell you...
We're nothing like you. 

I've got stars in my great big sky.
I shall gaze upon without leaving small ones behind,
because they're harder to find.
Some were satellites, others planes.
Some were twinkling while others were fading away.
But they're all one of a kind.

I don't need a rose,
I want a daisy you picked for my hair.
I don't want a box of fancy chocolates,
I want a burnt cookie that you made just for me.
I don't want to go to some upscale restaurant,
lets just have a picnic in the park.
we don't have to go to prom,
we can just dance on my front porch
until we fall asleep in each others arms. 

run outside at 3 in the morning blowing bubbles.
dance in the street in your underwear
yelling "FREEDOM!". make an ice-cream sandwich.
pretend you’re a fish. eat too many cupcakes.
take a shower in the sprinkler.
give yourself a spa in a blow up mini pool.
have a screaming contest. eat a tube of whipped cream.
make up your own slang words. be anything but ordinary. 

im not his first, his last, or his only, but I’m praying that I’m his favorite. he might've cared for another girl before, and possibly will again, but I’m going to be the girl he cares for the most. he's not perfect and I’m not either, but I’m going to be the closest damn thing he finds to perfect. he can make me laugh, and I gave him the most I can. he might not be thinking about me every second of every day, but I know I’m always in his heart. he's gonna give me his heart, which I can break. and in return, I’m giving him my heart, that he can break. so I say, don't hurt him and he won't hurt you. don't change him and he won't change you, and don't expect me to give more then I can. don't over analyze, smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him whenever he's not there. because even though you're not his last, your going to be the most memorable girl he ever gets.

Welll thats itt :)
Enjoyyy <333 ~
;                                kaylaaaaa;       <3     `

Happppppy Newwww Yearrrrrrrrrr !!!!!

Hope you all had a safe and happy new years :] Didn't get to wasted now ;] Hahaha.
Hope you also have a good 2009 !!

My birthdays on saturdayyy !! Yayyy can't waitt.. 19 finally :o LEGALLLLLLLL !!
Hahaha totally pumpeddd.

;                      kaylaaaaaaa <3 *